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Life's A Happy Song
A trip to a nearby lighthouse leads to some illuminating discoveries. Cast * Sam Yao * Jamie Skeet * Isabel Mariot Plot Conspiracy Nut Stuff There’s a new lead on Comansys, and you are to head to the abandoned lighthouse on the coast to check it out. Washed Ashore Jamie is put out to be running over sand dunes, but Sam sees the bright side - it reminds him of the title sequence of an old TV show he watched as a kid. Show The Blighters What We're Made Of Jamie is uncharacteristically upbeat as he continues to reminisce. This is cut short by another load of zoms that are being washed to shore by the tide. Keep Hobbling Jamie sprains his ankle, but you and Isabel stabilise him as you continue to run towards the lighthouse. He reminisces about his grandma Victoria. The Right Thing Jamie rejoices as he recognises the lighthouse from TV before admitting that he knows he makes Abel’s residents uncomfortable, but Isabel defends him. Grab It And Get Out Inside the lighthouse, you discover that Annie Moncriefe, creator of the kids’ TV show, also made the Comansys documentary. You find the tape and make a swift exit. The Bloodbath Of Balmoral Isabel confesses she asked Jamie to accompany her to tell him that, through his grandma Victoria, he is the legal King of England. Transcript birds twittering JAMIE SKEET: Bit of notice next time, mate. I got dressed so quick I put my boxers on back to front! And Five’s T-shirt’s inside out. I can see the label! SAM YAO: Sorry! Sorry. It was short notice for me, too. Isabel here – oh, this is Isabel Mariot from the Ministry of Recovery. Not to, well, you know, point any fingers of blame, but Isabel only briefed me five minutes ago. ISABEL MARIOT: I did arrive in Abel last night. Hoped to brief you then, but I couldn’t find you. SAM YAO: Um, I was busy. JAMIE SKEET: Yeah, playing Demons and Darkness with the Radio Cabel posse. SAM YAO: We spent half an hour patrolling the perimeter fence looking for the Phantom of Abel! We did something useful! JAMIE SKEET: I thought you thought that Phantom of Abel stuff was rubbish. Because it is! It’s rubbish! SAM YAO: Eugene swears blind he saw a masked man going through the bins on Friday night. JAMIE SKEET: Friday night? Moonshine Friday night? Moonshine and strip poker Friday night? That’s when he reckons he saw it? Before or after he told Janine she was his best mate, and he really loves her, and if he was going to go straight for anyone, it’d be her? SAM YAO: Anyway, the important thing is we’re all here now, and we’ve got a new lead on Comansys. JAMIE SKEET: Yeah? As good as a giant robot? What are you sending us chasing after this time, Godzilla? SAM YAO: No, really, this one’s kosher! Well, kosher-ish. Non-pork-based, anyway. Okay, see that stand of poplars up ahead? The road you want cuts left, behind them. ISABEL MARIOT: We’re heading for an abandoned lighthouse on the coast. JAMIE SKEET: Comansys base? ISABEL MARIOT: No, former home of a BBC producer. JAMIE SKEET: Right, that’ll be dead useful. ISABEL MARIOT: It should be. She made a radio documentary about Comansys back in the seventies. Several of our people remember it, me included, but no one has a copy. We’re hoping she might have kept one. It was notorious at the time. People thought she’d dived off the deep end. SAM YAO: Yeah, real conspiracy nut stuff. Apparently, locals who lived near the Comansys labs were convinced they were doing something that gave people dementia. Ten people in the local village developed it within the space of a year! Weird, right? And get this – locals reported hearing a strange tone coming from the offices at night. Like, a mind control tone. a certain tune JAMIE SKEET: That ain’t what control tones sound like. SAM YAO: No, it’s – oh, never mind. You’re coming up on the coast road now. Time to get your heads down. seagulls SAM YAO: Oh, sand dunes! I used to love rolling down those when I was a kid. JAMIE SKEET: Not so great when you’re running up them. Right, Five? SAM YAO: You know, this reminds me of something. JAMIE SKEET: Rolling down sand dunes when you were a kid? SAM YAO: No, no, something… sighs Television, uh, puppets, uh, magic, really daft. Oh, oh, it’s on the tip of my mind. Oh, Jimmy’s Jaunts! Remember? That old kids show from the seventies? ISABEL MARIOT: You’re right! It’s just like the title sequence of Jimmy’s Jaunts! JAMIE SKEET: Yeah, all those kids rolling down the sand. That was wicked! Used to watch it with my mum. SAM YAO: Really? I wouldn’t have thought it was your kind of thing. It was a bit, well, you know, silly. ISABEL MARIOT: Silly? It was groundbreaking. JAMIE SKEET: Yeah, had that black girl in, didn’t it? Elizabeth. Always rescuing the other kids. Mind you, she was the poshest black woman in England. Mum said it didn’t matter, though. She said I didn’t know how it was, growing up and never seeing yourself on telly. Like you weren’t really part of the world, know what I’m saying? Like you didn’t matter. Mum said Elizabeth was the first time she saw someone who looked like her on the box. That’s why she called my James. Think she was disappointed she didn’t have a daughter so she could call her Elizabeth. She used to sing the theme song when I was going to sleep. sings “Join Jimmy and Lizzie and all their chums, it’s time for high adventure and some rollicking fun.” ISABEL MARIOT: Yeah, that’s exactly right. JAMIE SKEET: Me and Archie – that was my girlfriend – used to sing that song sometimes. I taught it to her. Always wanted to show her Jimmy’s Jaunts. Never got the chance. SAM YAO: Isabel, are you writing that song down in a notebook? ISABEL MARIOT: Um… SAM YAO: Guys, I enjoy a children’s TV reminiscence as much as the next man – well, to be honest, quite a bit more than the next man, especially if the next man’s Janine – but, um, yeah, zoms at six o'clock. There was a big storm last night. I think they must have washed ashore. JAMIE SKEET: Oh my word, they’re climbing out of the sand dunes! ISABEL MARIOT: They’ve seen us. Run! seagulls SAM YAO: Okay, you’ve outpaced them for now. Thank goodness they weren’t fast zoms. I haven’t seen a horde of slow zoms for a while now. These must have been out at sea. JAMIE SKEET: I don’t know what it is, this place makes me feel a bit cheerful! sings “Elizabeth and Jimmy and all their pals, they’re having adventures and - ” oh! Oh man, see that, Five? Bobbing about on the waves? ISABEL MARIOT: Look like rotting corpses, to me. A gull just landed on one and pecked out its eye. JAMIE SKEET: If we’re lucky, they’re corpses. If we’re not… SAM YAO: Yeah. The one with an eye missing and half its nose bitten off just stood up. Another waves of zoms brought in by the ocean. I mean, I know we need this Comansys intel, but do you think maybe coming back another day - ? ISABEL MARIOT: We’re boxed in on three sides. Our best bet is to keep heading for that lighthouse. At least we’ll have the upper ground there. Come on, Jamie. Time to show the blighters what we’re made of. JAMIE SKEET: That’s what Elizabeth used to say! ISABEL MARIOT: She wouldn’t have been scared of a few zoms! splash through water, JAMIE SKEET shouts in pain SAM YAO: Jamie! Jamie, are you alright? What have you done? JAMIE SKEET: Tripped on a rock, didn’t I? Idiot! Oh, it hurts! ISABEL MARIOT: Looks like you’ve sprained your ankle. SAM YAO: Guys, those zoms are - JAMIE SKEET: They’re nearly on us! You’d better go on. I can fight them off. ISABEL MARIOT: No, you can’t, there are too many. Give me your arm. Five, take the other one. JAMIE SKEET: I’ll slow you down! Leave me! ISABEL MARIOT: I don’t think so. What did Elizabeth do when Jimmy twisted his ankle running away from the Great Houtweeni? JAMIE SKEET: She gave him a piggyback ride. ISABEL MARIOT: So, if you want to avoid that, get hobbling. JAMIE SKEET: Can’t believe I did that. I’ve had loads of practice running on sand. ISABEL MARIOT: Did you? Was that because of your family? JAMIE SKEET: Yeah. My grandma Victoria owned an oyster shack down in south end. Used to go and stay with her when I was a kid. Mum thought she’d keep me out of bother, what with her being so posh. ISABEL MARIOT: Victoria, you say? What sort of posh? JAMIE SKEET: Posh posh! Proper posh! She had a double-barrelled surname and all that before she got married. Second cousin to the queen, that’s what my mum said. But her family disowned her when she married a black man. ISABEL MARIOT: Do you remember what her surname was before she married? JAMIE SKEET: She died two years before Day Zero. Glad she never saw it. SAM YAO: Okay, guys, uh, the good news is you’re pulling ahead of those floaters. ISABEL MARIOT: And the bad news? SAM YAO: Just, well, don’t look behind you and keep hobbling. Only, yeah, you know, maybe a little bit faster? JAMIE SKEET: groans Oh, I ain’t feeling so good. ISABEL MARIOT: Just a little further. That’s the lighthouse up ahead. SAM YAO: Yes! Hang on a minute, isn’t that the - JAMIE SKEET: Yeah, looks just like where Jimmy and Elizabeth used to live. SAM YAO: It does! That’s the light they flashed to send an S.O.S. when Catherine the Horrible had them surrounded by her flying squirrel assassins. JAMIE SKEET: Oh my word! I totally forgot those! That episode was amazing! ISABEL MARIOT: Elizabeth used hazelnuts filled with sleeping potion to knock them all out! JAMIE SKEET: Yeah! laughs SAM YAO: My maps show the sea’s pretty shallow here. Mud flats for miles. You can wade out further in the water to get around it. JAMIE SKEET: I can’t believe that’s the exact same lighthouse from Jimmy’s Jaunts. SAM YAO: laughs I can’t believe you’re so excited about it. JAMIE SKEET: What, because normally I’m such a miserable so-and-so? SAM YAO: No! No, no… JAMIE SKEET: It’s alright. I know what everyone in Abel thinks about me. Ever since I moved all those kids in, I’ve seen the way they act. Yesterday Eugene and Jack dodged into the laundry room just so they wouldn’t have to talk to me. SAM YAO: Well, it’s, um… I mean, you did… With Runner Three, you did sort of beat him to death with a baseball bat. JAMIE SKEET: He was alive when I left him. He probably ran off, didn’t he? SAM YAO: Yeah… yeah, yeah, that’s probably what happened. ISABEL MARIOT: You gave someone a beating, Jamie? JAMIE SKEET: He tried to hurt one of my kids. Tried to hurt a lot of people. ISABEL MARIOT: Then you did the right thing. Now, come on, we’re almost there. SAM YAO: That’s it, guys. One last burst of speed, and you’re there. JAMIE SKEET: Thanks, Izzie. Wouldn’t have made it without you. SAM YAO: Quickly, through the door! creaks open Hmm, those windows are a bit big for my liking. Not exactly zombie-proof. ISABEL MARIOT: They’ve got shutters. I’ll do the ones down here. Runner Five, can you do upstairs? footsteps JAMIE SKEET: Oh my word. This is - it looks like – it’s – it’s got to be! ISABEL MARIOT: It is. This lighthouse belonged to Annie Moncriefe, the creator of Jimmy’s Jaunts. She’s the producer I was talking about. SAM YAO: So this entire mission was a ruse to allow you to indulge your obsessive love of a slightly camp 1970’s TV show? I mean, not that I don’t sympathize, but you risked Runner Five’s life! Jamie’s life! ISABEL MARIOT: The mission’s real, Sam. Moncriefe made that Comansys documentary, and we need to hear it. Runner Five, see what you can find up there. Anything that looks like archive tapes, hard drives. rummaging The mission’s real. But when I heard the Ministry wanted to send someone to Moncriefe’s place, I volunteered. JAMIE SKEET: Oh man, look at this stuff! That’s Jimmy’s magic fedora! And it’s Evil Eric’s wandering wand! I’m taking that. ISABEL MARIOT: Looks like Runner Five’s found the motherlode. Let me – yes, yes! This tape’s marked Comansys! SAM YAO: Then grab it and get out! JAMIE SKEET: But all this other stuff! Elizabeth’s teleport bracelet! SAM YAO: We’ll send someone back for it. The zombies from the sand dune have reached the jetty. If you don’t get out of there right now, you’ll be cut off. opens and shuts twittering, footsteps SAM YAO: Okay, guys, looks like you’re clear. How’s your ankle, Jamie? JAMIE SKEET: I’ll live. But man, all that stuff in the lighthouse! We’re going back for that later, no doubt. Can’t believe you pinged me for this run, Izzie. Imagine if you had Runner Fourteen. He wouldn’t have appreciated this at all! SAM YAO: Yeah! Runner Fourteen’s never been what you’d call a laugh riot. Evan used to say he was very “mission oriented”. Amelia loves him. ISABEL MARIOT: Too many people are like that now. The apocalypse has taken away so much from us. I’d hate it to steal this, too. SAM YAO: What, our obsessive love of camp old kids TV shows? ISABEL MARIOT: Yes! And the thousand other stupid meaningless things that made up the fabric of our lives. The big stuff’s easy to hold onto. But honestly, I think it’s the trivia we’ll really come to miss. JAMIE SKEET: It’s what Elizabeth said, innit? “Only people with little hearts say little things.” ISABEL MARIOT: laughs Yes, that’s exactly right. JAMIE SKEET: Archie used to say that, too. She thought that you’ve got to enjoy the little stuff, she said. The unimportant stuff. Because the big stuff will come and get you all by itself. She was really clever, and really silly, too. Both. She was a bit like Lizzie, always faced up to stuff. Never let fear get in her way. ISABEL MARIOT: Jamie, it wasn’t a complete coincidence I asked for you to accompany me on this mission. JAMIE SKEET: What, you knew I liked Jimmy’s Jaunts? ISABEL MARIOT: laughs No. That was a coincidence. But the Ministry of Recovery had another task for me. Another lost thing they wanted recovered. You see - you’ve got Rofflenet here, haven’t you? Did you ever hear about the bloodbath of Balmoral? SAM YAO: What, that the queen got bitten and no one shot her because they thought it might be treason, and soon the whole royal family had gone gray? I thought that was an urban legend. ISABEL MARIOT: Entirely true, unfortunately. But not every member of the royal family was turned. We knew of one estranged cousin. JAMIE SKEET: Oh no. No! Tell me you’re joking. ISABEL MARIOT: I’m not. This terrible plague has taken so much from us. It’s robbed us of so many people that you’re the legal king of England. Codex Artefact Documentary transcript MONCRIEFE: This is the story of a British success. In these days of industrial unrest, those aren’t words you hear very often. But Comansys are the exception to every rule. They’re the shining light on the hill that will guide our country to a brighter future. Or so we’ve always been told. It’s certainly what Comansys’s employees believe. I spoke to junior researcher Diana Duncan-Petley. DUNCAN-PETLEY: It’s entirely new ground: manipulating human emotional responses and motivation. MONCRIEFE: I hope you won’t mind my saying that sounds a little ominous. DUNCAN-PETLEY (laughs): Oh, it’s nothing sinister. Just a programmed aversion. We’ve developed a device that people find... unpleasant to be around. They naturally shy away from it. MONCRIEFE: Doesn’t sound terribly useful. DUNCAN-PETLEY: Well, imagine you had one on the fridge you could control at will. Feeling a bit peckish when you’re supposed to be dieting? Simple! Switch on our device and binge eating will be a thing of the past! Category:Mission Category:Season Three